So You Tell Me
Yesterday was Mother's Day and so thoughts naturally turn towards family. Also, I am the Family Pastor here at Gcomm, so I think about family as a big part of my ministry. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the family and I want to bounce some things off of you - my faithful readers.
For the last 30 years the Christian community has put a lot of attention on the family. I think the concern started when it was realized that "Christian" families were divorcing at almost the same rate as non-Christian families. So the flood of material related to the family began. Pre-marital ministries were started. Marriage counseling, retreats, conferences, and seminars started popping up. Parenting classes were started. Along with this came books, tapes, CDs, DVDs, and radio programs devoted totally to the family.
So you tell me, are we doing any better? Has all of this attention to the family created more godly marriages and children? My observation would be - no. In fact, the more I am involved in ministry I see just how scrambled up marriages can become and I keep encountering all kinds of, how should I say this delicately, interesting theories of parenting. I know from my own experience, and this is what I tell men preparing for ministry, that the number one issue we have to deal with is the family. The number two issue is so far behind I don't even know what it is.
So you tell me, why is it this way? It certainly isn't because there is a shortage of information and teaching about the family, but what is it? There must be more to it then just more books and conferences.
So you tell me. What do you think is at the root of all the family problems and what could be done differently?
I'm waiting to hear from you.
posted by Pastor Bruce @ 4:08 PM
7 comments
7 Comments:
Obviously the root of all our problems is sin, but I don't think that is the answer you are looking for. When I look at the families I interact with, the people who struggle with their marriages or their children seem to be those who do not have a united heart. By this I mean that one or both are not truly committed to doing things God's way. They read all the books and go to the seminars but think that they can add worldly wisdom or their own thoughts, feelings, etc to the mix. Perhaps, one spouse or parent is truly seeking God's way but the other is not committed at all or is only partially; so they are divided. There is not unity; we set our own desires, plans, etc above God's. I guess that means it boils down to selfishness.
This is my thought; do you think I am off base?
Stephanie,
You are definately on to something. It is critical that both husband and wife, mom and dad, be united in following the Lord and doing things His way. Thanks for your comments.
Roberta and I leave today for 2 1/2 weeks in South Africa. I will be speaking at three pastor's conferences and Roberta will be speaking to some of the wives. Please pray for us. I look forward to reading everyone's comments and I will respond when I get back.
God Bless!
I think what S Troyer said was definitely on track. One observation that has been pressed upon my heart as I look at families is the hard work and dedication it takes to building a godly family. This isn't something that just magically happens after you say, "I do" or have a child. It also isn't something that happens just because you go to church or read the books or listen to all the seminars. Building a godly family takes time and effort to apply God's Word to your own heart and to your family. Maybe it means even taking big (seemingly drastic) steps to change something that is wrong instead of just ignoring it.
Within the family unit everybody seems to be doing their own thing and they get so busy they forget the one thing their lives are based on; Jesus Christ and His cross.
Just some thoughts.
By the way, I heard this statement by a pastor once, tell me what you think. "The best thing a pastor can do for the church he is pastoring is to build a godly family and the best thing that pastor can do for his family is to build a godly church."
Pastor Balkey,
I am excited to hear about your trip to S. Africa!! My experience is limited since my own family consists of Kara and me, but I would have to agree with Staphanie. Unity is a key theme emphasized in Ephesians for the success of the church body, but I also think it is vital to the family unit. The Trinity exhibits the greatest example of unity that Paul uses in chapter 3. Instead of there being a joint effort to grow in unity with daily encouragement and exhortation in the family, we view other family members as different from maybe other brothers and sisters in Christ and almost feel that we are in some way competitors with each other. I am not sure if this is the most clear thought, but I decided to throw it out there anyway.
Pastor Bruce, great idea to give us "faithful readers" stewardship over the vitality of this blog while you travel. I have enjoyed reading what others have said about the family and look forward to your responses. I hope you guys have a great trip (you're only one hour ahead of me here in London)!
I think the points above about united hearts, the trinity as a model, and the church as a fundamental aspect of family relationships are great.
I believe family problems exist when consistent, biblical communication does not. We need to take initiative, putting forth effort to say things that edify and encourage while avoiding words and actions that cause frustration, irritation, and misunderstanding. Two practical ways to do this, from my experience, is to keep a selfless, humble attitude (being a giver and servant) and to assume the best about others (instead of criticizing or judging).
Also, I believe God uses family ties as a way to spread the gospel through generations. The desire to evangelize non-Christian family members is a big motivation to build strong relationships. And I think the terms “Christian” or “non-Christian” are more appropriately applied towards describing individuals instead of families as a whole. Parents should never assume their children are saved for the sake of being viewed as a “Christian” family. Attention towards the family is a good thing though, something I think we realize the older we get.
I'll move past the obvious: sin, Christ-centeredness, etc.
Families in this country -- in the church or in the world -- are falling apart because they are being pulled apart by the trappings of societal living...soccer games, baseball practice, peer groups, separate schools, youth groups, Sunday schools, children's church, etc. I don't find one single verse in the bible that exhorts the family to divide themselves up for the majority of their time starting in the earliest years of toddlerhood. All for the sake of study and worship? *scoff* God made families. Families ought to cleave.
Thanks for a great question.
Clarification: I'm the educator, not the student. Married 18 years, three children. Adult convert, public school educated, career track, etc. etc. Been on both sides of many of these type issues.
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